Course: Adventure Golf Center
Location: 5901 S 56th St, Lincoln, NE 68516
Price: $6 for 18 holes; $9 for 36 holes.
Review: Step aside Puck from A Midsummer Night’s Dream, because there’s a new face in the world of botanical whimsy. And its name is Adventure Golf Center. With all of its verdant greenery, blooming foliage, and stone masonry, this course felt better suited as the setting of an Ancient Grecian orgy than as the location of a miniature golf course. Consisting of two 18-hole courses, the entire venue was covered in flowers (the perfect token of love to initiate a Grecian orgy); the pathway spanned several floors (giving your Grecian orgy a perfect view over the scenic Lincoln, Nebraska skyline); and water features trickled throughout the entire course (masking the amorous sounds of your Grecian orgy, so that your prying neighbors, the Tamlins, can’t participate).
Were there downsides to the Adventure Golf center? Of course. The holes were pretty simplistic, even by mini golf standards. And, once again, the water was dyed a sickly blue color (why is that the industry trend? Does regular water look unnatural?). But overall (unlike the Tamlins’ unwelcome advances) this course was delightful. It was a little sliver of flowery paradise in the midst of the cold darkness that we call humanity. I felt like Mary Lennox in The Secret Garden – I may have started off the afternoon as the tragically orphaned daughter of wealthy British aristocrats; but, with the help of this garden’s magically rejuvenating powers, I ended the afternoon a strong confident woman, proud of my femininity. Proud of my connection with nature. Proud of myself. Soon, my cousin Colin will heal from his infirmity. And we shall rejoice. But until then, I shall spend my days inside the garden to which I owe everything. The Secret Garden.
All in all, this course was pretty good, but not extraordinary. So instead of rambling on about how Adventure Golf Center was a high-quality course that didn’t necessarily drop my jaw, I thought it might be fun to share an anecdote from the course: on the 3rd hole, a charismatic elderly lady talked to me for 20 minutes about the war (during which she mentioned both Japan and Korea, so I’m not really sure which war she was referring to…); then, when she asked me where I was from and I lied and said “Portland, Oregon” because I didn’t want to admit I was travelling across the country for the sole purpose of playing mini golf. Without missing a beat, she talked for five more minutes about how the amount of sex trafficking in Portland was the highest in the nation. As if I was personally responsible. I’m not sure what this anecdote had to prove, but it stuck out to me as important. And strangely beautiful.
Ultimately, at the end of the day, despite its lower production value, I ended up having a great time in Adventure Golf Center: a beautiful, tamed wilderness. And I learned a lot about Portland’s edgy nightlife scene, which will come in handy when I go there in August. And, let me tell you right now, if Portland’s mini golf scene is even half as rampantly endemic as its sex trafficking rates, I bet their course will be tremendous.
I can’t wait.
Course Score: 43; Par – 41
Pros: Great upkeep; cheap; peaceful and serene; the multiple levels were fun; the garden aesthetic was beautiful.
Cons: Simplistic holes; blue water; pretty unmemorable; but not a lot, overall this place was lovely.