8/7/16 – Wyoming

Course: Old Town Family Fun & Amusements
Location: 123 W E St, Casper, WY
Price: $6 for 18 holes.

Old Town 2

Old Town Family Fun & Amusements

Review: Yes. Finally. I made it to Wyoming. The nation’s 10th largest state (by area) and its smallest state (by population). And while it is super easy just to google “facts about Wyoming” and quickly paraphrase them in lieu of writing an introductory paragraph, the question still remains: how small is Wyoming’s population?* Now, I could flat-out just say that Wyoming’s population is approximately 585,000 people… but I’d rather describe its low population density in the style of a 1990’s def jam comic.

Let’s go.

“Listen up, everybody. Listen up. Damn. Wyoming’s population is so small that, true fact, 60,000 more people actually live in Washington D.C. than in Wyoming! True fact.  True. Fact. Damn. Listen up. Wyoming’s population is sooo small that the most effective pickup line on Tinder in Wyoming is just the phrase ‘I’m less than 50 miles away from you and I have a pulse.’ Damn. No. Shut up. Stop laughing. Stop laughing and listen up. Listen. The hell. Up. Wyoming’s population is sooooooo smaaallll that when all the people in Wyoming got together to watch the movie 12 Angry Men, they didn’t compliment Ed Begley’s masterful performance as the bigoted Juror #10, instead they just said ‘woah, how’d they find that many people to serve on a jury?’ DAAAMMNN!

As the introduction of this review has probably already demonstrated, I did not come to Wyoming with a very high opinion of its mini golf capabilities. But, of the state’s three major courses I researched online, Old Town Family Fun seemed like the most promising. Located in sunny Casper, WY, the self-proclaimed “destination city of Wyoming,”** Old Town’s mini golf course was a cattle-rustlin’ lasso-swingin’ sawed-off shotgun blast from the past. And sure, initially I came into the state with my own flawed set of preconceived prejudices. But I was pleasantly surprised by Old Town. As the world’s only Casper-Wyoming-themed mini golf course (I mean, it’s gotta be… right?), I really appreciated the course’s authentic, historically-inspired layout. Full of 1800’s-era Casper-themed props (including rustic foliage, a replica facade of an old mining town, authentic mining equipment, and a mock graveyard where the hole’s obstacles were the graves of Casper’s most iconic historical figures***), this course was so Casper-specific that I almost said “darn tootin!” instead of “I guess” when the course’s cashier asked if I was golfing by myself.

Moreover, beyond the overall Casper aesthetic, I was impressed by the actual quality of the course itself. Most of Old Town’s holes were of a pretty decent difficulty (although, many of them were sloped in, which is something I despise). And the turf was in a pretty good condition. Better than many of the courses I’ve previously visited. I did shake my head in disappointment when I saw Old Town’s murky water hazards, its left-out equipment, and its several broken-down (although still Casper-specific) props. But it wasn’t a bad course by any means. If I were a professor at Notre Dame University, I’d give it a B. If I were a professor at Purdue University, I’d give it a B+. And if I were a “professor” at DeVry “University,” I’d give it a brandy-stained smiley face sticker and an expired coupon to Dave & Busters then call it a day.

All in all, I had a pretty good time in Wyoming.

* He asked, using a contrived leading question so he could write cheap jokes with minimal effort.
** Which is kind of like being in home school and voting yourself the prom king. Ok. I’m done making fun of Wyoming. I actually really liked it there; my rambling insult comedy is more counterproductive than an all-male symposium about unfair gender representation in media (which I’m sure has happened at least once).
*** Like Mathew Campfield, the first black coroner of Natrona Country! #swoon amiright?

Course Score: 45; no par.
Pros: Nice environment; authentic; celebrates local history; clever holes; good theme-specific props; cheap; good turf condition; simple but fun.
Cons: Sloped in holes; occasionally simplistic; murky water; several broken props; some left out equipment.

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